Thu Dec 21 11:26:39 CST 2006

Carol of the Sales

Carol of the Sales

(sung to the tune of "Carol of the Bells")
Get down here fast!
This sale won't last!
Get off your a$$!
And gimme dat cash!

Go get some sleep
Sales start at three
Standing in line

See buy this sh*t
All aren't great gifts
Hey we must sell
Herd must be quelled

Please don't ask why
Shut up and buy
Spend all you have
Or you suck as Dad

(Buy Buy dumb dumbs)

Thanksgiving's fin'ly over
so we can cram this sh*t down your throat, bro!

Ev'ry muzzlefudgin thing we sell
Isn't necessarily on sale!

(Buy Buy dumb dumbs)

Don't go to church
Here, buy this shirt
Peace on Earth now??????

Now I'm not a Grinch, nor am I not a consumer. In fact, I'm the best kind of consumer, an early adopter. But even I become overloaded with the manure load of troweled out commercialism that has become attached to the holidays. Since I'm a Christian and not always politically correct, let me say "attached to Christmas". Just like the "black Friday sales", Chri$$$$$$$$$$mas seems to start earlier and earlier each year. President Franklin Roosevelt even helped spur the frenzy on, moving Thanksgiving back a week in the years 1939-1941. Get that nonsense out of the way, we got Sit-and-Stare teddy bears to get fought over! Maybe I'm crazy, but doesn't some of the Chri$$$$$$$$mas related advertising seem wrongly placed? Are there really the kind of people that can give a Lincoln Navigator (MSRP ~$48000 starting) away as a Christmas present sitting around watching Sunday Night Football? I'm a complete loser as a spouse because my isses don't start with "K" (but they did last year). And just cuz you say "makes a great gift!" at the end of your pitch, that don't make it so. I remember what it was like to be a kid and be excited about toy X. I don't remember (maybe I was aloof) people being assaulted over toy X.

Am I saying don't buy anything? Absolutely not. But while you're herded into store after store seeking sale after sale, let's all try to make this time of year a time we can all be a little bit nicer. A little more friendly. You don't have to believe in any deity to do that, do you? Just don't believe in that great price tag in the sky... Merry Christmas to those observing it, Happy Holidays to those observing others, and Happy Festivus to the rest of ya's!!! -----

Posted by james | Permanent link | File under: Rants